So i really need to start doing this more often!
This week has definitely not been my best. My therapist and parents are focusing around inpatient treatment and to be honest, I refuse to think about it. I guess I'm in a 'whatever happens happens' mentality at the minute.
If I end up in inpatient, I know I wont ever come back out again. I'd have to leave college, my friends, my dog, leave my life. There is no way that after 6, 8, 12 months in inpatient treatment I could willingly walk back to it. My friends will have moved on and forgotten about me, It'd be totally impossible to re start college again without shame, being older than everyone else, this half a year i've already done to count for nothing? I'd have no life left and so I wouldn't want to be ever let out again. I'd refuse treatment, and if I'm honest, probably end up going out in a box.
Doesn't sound fun right? But i'm down to being totally and completely confused so I'm taking a new approach to things... REMEMBER THE LITTLE THINGS:
It's a valuable lesson to be learnt- trust me.
While I was still in school, my english teacher (who was amazing!) once said to me, 'The little things in life are what keep us going forward.' So, in essence, rememering the little things that made us smile for a second, think for a minute and laugh for a little longer- they're the things we should remember about our lives when its a bad day. It can be a smile from someone, a joke, a hug, a whispered conversation any tiny happening that made you feel loved.
So I'm remembering those this week, and 'Whatever will be will be'
The sunset made me smile today, and reminded me of my guardian angel.
much love, keep fighting and stay strong! <3
